How Assam's LGBTQIAP+ community is taking down century-old traditions

Love is a universal language. For a long time in India, that language came under heavy scrutiny based on several factors, the most fundamental being gender. Although queers in India have had their fair share of barriers and obstacles, as of September 6, 2018, the gender barrier was officially removed.

The removal of the ban on homosexuality was received jubilantly by not just members of the LGBTQIAP+ community, but also by their liberal sympathisers both in and outside India. For queers and other members of the LGBTQIAP+ community in Assam, that law is just one step in the long battle for recognition, freedom and respect. Many brave men and women, who had to suffer in silence, could now truly be free, both in private and publicly.

Getting out of the closet

This is arguably the most difficult part for most queers in Assam as well as in India. Queer people are still viewed through a different lens, and so, the “big reveal” might not be met with open arms. For a few, even though they may have fully come into genuine acceptance of who they are, relaying it to family and relatives might just be the biggest challenge yet.

This is the reality of Poran Jyoti Gogoi, also known as Romi in the fashion industry. “I never verbally told any of my family members that I am gay but after I went to Delhi for further studies, I saw many more people like me who were strong, confident, and working individuals with complete lives out there and who had formed a community for one another. I got highly inspired by them and I started behaving and dressing up the way I felt inside; my true self. It boosted my confidence to a whole new level,” Romi said.

For others who have found the strength to publicly come out, the backlash has proven unbearable. As Deepak Chetry says, “After coming out to others, I realised that people change when they find out something about you which is odd for them. I was treated badly, bullied, called out by inappropriate names and slang and many more. I was left alone and was ignored. I started developing depression and anxiety.”

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“But,” he adds, “Even though I was going through a lot, a few people always stood by me, regardless of my orientation. Eventually, things started to get better.”

Some queers have had it even worse. For Rituparna Abang, the discrimination and backlash that comes with being queer are much worse. Rituparna’s story reflects the reality in many homes across the country.

“Although I am very vocal about my identity and sexual orientation, in my family my two older brothers are against this and don’t like me behaving like a woman – wearing makeup or dressing up in certain ways. I don’t gel well with my older brothers, but both my mother and sister-in-law are extremely supportive, and they love and respect me. I even tell them anytime I’m going out on dates.”

“My mother is always worried, as the society is still mostly homophobic. Many friends left me when I opened up about my gender and sexuality. I also have a problem using toilets meant for men. In college, I was bullied and questioned, if I have a penis. I stopped using the gents’ toilet since then,” Rituparna says.

Parijit Mahapatra is another truly inspiring LGBTQIAP+ hero. For him, opening up requires understanding the mental awareness and tolerance of the person. “It takes some time to open up to people, but it is always easy for one to open up on sexuality or gender identity to people who are open-minded or more accepting towards others who are unlike them, regardless of the place.

“For me, it’s more about the vibe I get from others. That’s what determines if I’ll open up to them. I have a younger sibling, a brother who knows about my sexual orientation and gender identity. Even my parents are aware, although my mother is more supportive than my father, who still struggles with the entire ‘acceptance’ thing. So, there is some tension between my father and me, but hopefully, things will turn out to get better with time. That is all I can hope for at the moment,” says Parijit.

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How hard can ‘coming out’ be?

With the new legislature, the struggles of queer people in India are expected to be eradicated, or at the very least, reduce significantly. Even those in Assam saw hope amidst the dark struggle for the first time. However, the marginalisation and discrimination of queers over the years have resulted in untold difficulties and hardship in every area of their life. Poran didn’t understand his personality when he started to like stuff that girls like and even in 7th standard when he started feeling an attraction towards boys. But it’s not been easy accepting his sexual orientation and revealing it too.

“It’s a long list of emotional, verbal, and at times physical wreckage. It started from home and then extended its evil wings to a circle of friends. At home, I was often looked down upon by my brother and he used to feel ashamed to introduce me to any of his friends and he hated to be seen with me. Verbal abuse was almost a regular thing for him towards me with name callings like ‘hijra’, ‘suali’, ‘maiki’ etc.

“My oldest sister was married early and she had no problem with me. She rather treated me very normally and as the youngest of the family. As I grew up, my other sister used to verbally abuse me like my brother did and she often used to do sarcastic but evil jokes. She hated it when I wore makeup and often used demeaning words. Outside I didn’t have any friends to rely upon either. They were always aloof from me and didn’t really involve me in any of their activities.”

Speaking further, Poran says, “I ended up being alone and I almost spent my high school by myself with one or two friends that I could talk to. Nobody was interested in me because of my effeminate behaviour. I was not taken seriously anywhere except the fashion industry where I bloomed beautifully.”

For a lot of these queers, the problems are largely the same. They experience rejection and stigmatisation not just from strangers, but also from close family and friends. Deepak’s trials are similar, revealing that the stigmatisation goes as deep as teenagehood. “In my school days, I didn’t have many friends. Whenever I used to go and join others, they always used to call me out publicly with names like ‘chakka’, ‘hijra’, ‘ladies’, ‘maiki’ and many more. I was always discriminated against in such ways until I met some like-minded people and things eventually changed.”

In some other cases, these attacks against queers have been through several forms; in real life and through social media. Aneez Saikia explains this in clear terms. “I have been through such a difficult time. At the time I was going through social bullying because I didn’t reveal my sexual orientation and for which some unknown people kept on texting me from fake accounts they were cursing me for not being out in front of the society and emotionally harassing me saying that I was cheating on my partner, along with many other harsh words. “I would immediately reply those messages letting them know that it was my choice and also my partner helped me on this path by making me feel positive about ignoring those things,” she says.

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Finding love..

There’s always light at the end of the dark tunnel. For many of the brave men and women, it has come through finding the perfect partner with whom to weather the storm. Sanam and Aneez’s story is proof that every dark cloud has a silver lining. They found each other through social media, amidst the cyber bullying and trolling. “I found my partner through Facebook. And yes, I love to appear as a couple in public. Being in love is like being in the magical world for the rest of my life. We’re going to stay together. I want to say that our love is very normal. The same way we feel is the same that a straight person feels,” Sanam says.

Deepak describes his relationship with Parijit as one that is rooted in something deeper than just love. “I am currently in a relationship, and the bond between me and my partner is just not about loving each other. It’s way beyond just mere love. We often appear as a couple in public since we want to raise awareness and proper knowledge to the people out there regarding the community. We are not afraid to show our true selves, so no one should. Being in love is something that is hard to explain. You can just feel it.

“When you see your partner, a smile shows up on your face automatically. When your partner is sick, you become the restless caretaker for them. When you start doing something, your partner encourages you and cheers you up. When things get hard, your partner stays beside you. And even after all these emotions, the best thing is your partner always gets you, even in your silence,” he says.

Similarly Manish, an engineer by profession found love in Pritam, a home-baker, in 2020. “I found Pritam on Instagram. And I am so glad that we found each other. In love everything is better and beautiful. We’re currently in a live-in relationship and very happy.”

But things were not easy for Manish. “There were family issues. My parents are not modern. They didn’t take it well. I had a mental breakdown, hence, I moved out of the house. That crippled me a bit. But I moved on. I haven’t abandoned them, we are still for one another but the current priority is my relationship with my partner,” he adds.

The support system

Xomonnoy – one of Assam’s most active organisations for queer persons – in March 2021 launched the first physical space dedicated exclusively for the LGBTQIA+ community in Assam. “We ensure complete freedom to individuals to be themselves and express however they desire to. Community people come to us with their diverse issues, crisis cases or even to talk/share their heart out and we provide a safe space that is free of judgement and complete maintenance of their privacy. We have also started a virtual space through our two WhatsApp groups – one includes everyone and the other dedicated for female assigned persons, queer people, and trans women. Both the groups act as a support forum for people across the state. It has been especially helpful for our community folks who due to their circumstances aren’t able to access the physical community center in Guwahati,” says Shivalal Gautam, co-founder of Xomonnoy and co-organiser of Queer Pride Guwahati.

Highlighting some of the problems that the queer community has often been vocal about, Shivalal says that safe healthcare is a humongous issue. “Xomonnoy has a helpline number that people have been calling for any kind of support and guidance. We have recently started providing mental health service in our community center and we have one clinical psychologist who is queer affirmative and provides her services at a highly subsidised rate or sometimes even for free. We also have a referral directory that includes queer affirmative service providers dealing in mental health, sexual health and legal aid issues. We also organise webinars targeting different rural pockets of the state, give information and discuss sexual health issues and its importance. We are in talks with Tata Trust for organising a free Hepatitis B and C screening for the community people in our center. We are also exploring the possibility of doing free HIV testing in our community center and giving out condoms and water based lubricants for free as a measure to fight against possible risk of HIV/STI and STDs. Besides these, we are also planning health camps, online and offline events/workshops on sexual health,”

In September 2021, Xobdo-Dialogue Dignity Movement Foundation, a flag bearer organisation that works specifically on LGBTQIA+ got registered under Section 8 of the Companies Act, 2013. It is the maiden registered organisation in Assam.

Xobdo Foundation was born in 2018 and has been working independently since then. As the name goes, their mission and vision is to create dialogue amongst the youth to uphold the dignity of all individuals identifying as LGBTQIA+, thus creating a movement towards an equal society.

Worth mentioning that co-founder Arpana Choudhury (Luku) was enlisted in Forbes India 30 under 30, 2017, for advocating and working towards the rights of adivasi women working on tea plantation of Assam. QueerTessential, an outreach programme initiated by Xobdo Foundation has received immense attention from the youth. It focuses on sharing knowledge on gender and sexuality through dialogue communication, discussions, and films screenings.

Government’s role in the new era

If society is ever going to fully accept the LGBTQ community as a part of itself and put an end to the hate and stigmatisation of queers in Assam and India as a whole, governments at all levels have a huge role to play. But what exactly is this role? Neeta Basnet puts it quite plainly; “Our country does not have a comprehensive anti-discrimination law. While the Constitution forbids discrimination, it only applies to the government and its agents. Also, there should be laws that incorporate the protection of people belonging to the LGBTQIAP+ community. The Indian law system is advanced enough to allow polyamory. It’s also high time they allowed queer marriages.”

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Apart from passing laws that protect this minority group, Deepak also believes the government must also create awareness in order to change the mindset of people. “One thing I like to highlight is, there should be more awareness campaigns, visual awareness in the community through all the mediums such as social media, print media, movies and theaters, music, art, culture and all the other sectors.

There is also need to provide proper education about the community in schools/colleges and all the other educational sectors, workplaces, healthcare sectors, physical and mental health sectors, etc; since most of the times, the community has always been projected in inappropriate ways which leads to a different perspective towards them. In case of crimes against the LGBTQIAP+ community, strict laws should be imposed just like for other crimes such as rapes, violence, molestation, etc,” says Neeta.

Towards a more inclusive world

The process of completely breaking the stigma and discrimination against the LGBTQIAP+ community begins with legislations, but it doesn’t stop there. Adequate measures must be taken in order to ensure people do not suffer prejudice against them as a result of their sexual orientation. Parents, traditional and religious leaders must teach tolerance and ensure that mindsets are reoriented to desist from hating people just because they are different.