CASE STUDY- 1
“We-Man can allow them to do whatever they want. I have no issue if my wife studies”, says Ram, husband of Sushila, a lawyer from Jorhat who wanted to pursue a career in law but is struggling with the laws of the in-laws. For the utmost progressive nature of “We-Men”, this is the most Ram can do. However, for feminists like us, the problem lies with Ram’s thoughts expressed in the words “allow” and “issue” that Ram spoke about.
Similar is the story of innumerable dreams that shatter and of course, re-planted by the mothers to their daughters. Few of them go and progress independently, while others get trapped in the “progressive” rules of the ‘We-men’ community.
Once, a campaign name MARD started where they stated the full form of Mard as Men Against Rape and Discrimination. I wondered, considering the inherent biases (not always positive) of being a man, how can a man, morphologically, be against Discrimination?
From private campaigns to government ones, where you see missions like Ujjwala Yojana, specifically targeting the women of the household. Rare were the posters with a man lighting the LPG Gas stove. Nothing wrong with it though, man rarely does. I have no second opinion with the people who think that things are changing, however considering the way, we are traversing back to an era where books have started stating Lord Ganesha as the epitome of plastic surgery and not Sushruta, one will have to continue giving the reminders.
CASE STUDY- 2
“My father is an amazing cook. He makes the best Maggi, Tea, and Sandwich”, says Roshni, the daughter of Manoj from Nagaon. We have come across a lot of terminologies like Trimurti referring to Brahma, Vishnu, and Mahesh. The Trimurti of man’s culinary skills in a middle-class household will have to be ‘Tea, Maggi and Sandwich’. Now, who cannot rub butter on the bread? Oops! Many, Man-y.
One may disagree but it was due to an Upper Caste Assamese Aspiration, we lost states and sacrificed the dream of ‘Bor Oxom’. Men in tribal households cook well.
So, what can ‘We-men’ do for ‘Women’? Who, am I, being a Man to decide? We-men can unlearn gender biases and be better feminists. We-men can leave it to Women, the power to make their own judgments.
CASE STUDY- 3
“I have seen my mother being beaten almost every night. My father used to drink and come back every evening. It was a routine until she decided to leave the house, which most of us, may not opt”, said Rohini, the daughter of Anita, who is also a jobholder. She returned to her brothers but just to become a victim of society’s progressive double standards. Anita lives with Rohini in a small house in a tea garden in Golaghat. They are a complete family, without a man. When Rohini was asked if she misses her father, she added, “I miss the hands that taught me to walk. But, after knowing how the same pair of hands and palms, whose rub on my head felt like a blessing once, treated my mother, I do not miss him at all.”
In three of the above stories, we welcome not a society devoid of man, or a man-less society, but a society with not only men but the man-ners.
Today, when Women’s Day, in a capitalist world, has become a marketing gimmick, with international brands giving 20% discount on garments and free entries on pubs, let us forget not the struggles of people like Savitribai Phule, Chandraprabha Saikiani, Ramabai Ranade and examples of leaders, who knew not the ‘literal’ meaning of feminism, but inspire feminists and waves of feminism across the globe.
In India, there’s a saying that when a woman reveals a secret, her husband or other men often quip, “Aurat Ke pet me bacha tik jaata Hai lekin baat nahi tikti (A woman can carry a baby in her womb, but not a secret)” This remark, while seemingly light-hearted to the ‘we-men’, belies the significant challenges women face during pregnancy and childbirth, whether through a strenuous natural delivery or a major surgery like a C-section. When men casually use this analogy to trivialize the act of sharing secrets, over a cup of tea with friends, it reflects a lack of understanding and empathy towards the physical and emotional journey their partners endure. It suggests a failure to appreciate the profound experiences their partners undergo during pregnancy and childbirth. In this regard, a writer from Dibrugarh, when asked about what she needs from the ‘we-men’ community, she says, “ A little distance, for I knew not, this is how ‘man’ would turn out to be. Your discussions over tea would end if you accidentally sipped an extremely hot tea. The experience we undergo during pregnancy is a thousand times more painful.”
It again ended at tea. Well, that is what ‘we-men’ can do well. The tea spills, the man leaves.
The author is a Research Scholar at the Department of Mass Communication and Journalism, Tezpur University. Views expressed are personal and do not reflect EastMojo’s views on the topic.