On International Women’s Day, I salute all the single mothers out there

A woman who has a dependent kid or children and is widowed, divorced, or unmarried is referred to as a single mother. But what about the woman who works nonstop to maintain her family because her husband has a physical or mental condition, or because the husband purposefully avoids his family’s obligations? Are not they Single Mothers? 

Single mothers are up against a number of obstacles in today’s society. They are subjected to intense scrutiny for even the little choices they make. She may be labelled immediately and judged to the core. If she works late hours, she may also need to go through an infinite amount of unsolicited pieces of advice and remarks. If she is spotted chatting with strangers, particularly males, society has a certain prefixed idea on such occasions for her.

Stress caused by poverty for single moms includes worries about their jobs, housing, food, exposure to violence, being a victim of violence, and getting sick. There aren’t many jobs with benefits, neighbourhoods are often harsh, and there isn’t much community, family, or personal support.

In conclusion, low-income single moms are more likely to have mental and physical health problems than their married counterparts. Their stress is often constant, intense, and lasts for a long time. They may have to deal with more scary situations and higher levels of chronic stress and lack of resources than the average person.

They are more likely to have been unemployed, to have had little social support, to have been abused at home, and to have been separated or divorced. There is a greater chance of having problems with disability, anxiety, and drug abuse. However, these pressures and difficulties affect not just low-income mothers but also the larger community of single mothers.

• Because of the added responsibility of caring for their children on their own, single moms often find it challenging to strike a work-life balance. Because of this, single moms may be forced to work longer hours. Without a partner to share the burden of child care with, single moms often find themselves with little time for themselves. (Developing a structured lifestyle that includes a wake-up and bedtime routine will assist in the practice of self-care, while mindfulness and muscle relaxation techniques will aid in the reduction of stress). 
• When women don’t have anybody to share their joys and sorrows with or a helping hand to divide the household chores, they might struggle emotionally. (Developing a network of individuals with a non-judgmental approach towards us, as well as designating a trusted professional with whom we may vent our inner feelings, may offer us a sense of courage). 
• It’s common for moms raising children on their own to worry that they aren’t doing enough to support their families. When a woman is a single parent, she often has to make major life choices for her kid without the help of a partner. For many, this may be a very stressful and frightening experience. (Learning more about Decision Making Skill and Assertive Communication skills may help one to handle such situations). 
• Custody, child support, residence constraints, and succession preparation are just some of the legal factors that may arise in any of these scenarios. As a result, the single mother could have to deal with a challenging issue in court without the comfort of a support system. (Learning more about Distress tolerance skills may help one to handle such situations).
• It hurts emotionally, and it’s confusing to think about how other people may see you if you’re a single mother. Some people still look down on single moms, even if attitudes regarding marriage and motherhood, in general, have been more progressive in recent years.
• The need for a new love partner is a natural human need that tends to surface at regular intervals. Having kids at home adds a whole new set of complications to the dating scene. Will anybody want to date a lady with kids? What if my kids don’t like the person I’m dating? These are thoughts that may commonly cross the minds of single mothers who are looking to start a romantic relationship.

Probably the best way to protect future generations from these dangers is to ensure that today’s girl children have the emotional fortitude to stand on their own feet in the years to come.

It is our moral obligation to ensure that girl children have access to education and are safe from harm, but we must also acknowledge the significance of fostering the development of their unique capacities, such as their sense of moral identity and emotional regulation by strengthening up their mental dimensions.

The path to womanhood in Indian culture begins in a girl’s early childhood when she is taught the need of respecting the differences between the sexes for her own safety.

She has been taught which games are not for her, which clothes are not to wear, where to sit and where not to. She is encouraged toward softer things in life and the parents create a protective shield around her this further continues even after the girl reaches a mature stage where she needs to go through more lessons and control.

Despite her psychological requirements, she is now expected to adhere to societal and family norms and her individual choices are found to be guided or instructed. To the best of my knowledge and experience, the socio-cultural aspect of our society has its own distinctive method of disseminating information to young women, and we have no idea if this method is effective or not.

Things have changed somewhat with modern parents, yet a significant portion of our society still adheres to the conventional way of thinking that a girl child is expected to conform to. Therefore, it is imperative that we do all in our power to ensure that a girl child is exposed to the greatest possible environment for her to develop the ability to 

1. See problems as challenges and invaluable learning opportunities,

2. Having strong levels of self-belief and a healthy dose of self-awareness by recognizing her strengths and weaknesses; 

3. Practicing regularity and dedication to become reliable in her ability for commitment and consistency 

4. and Acceptance skill so that she can understand that everyone has control over their destiny. 

Let’s join up and work for the greater good of society by empowering more strong women who will uplift and build others, who will love and be loved, women who live courageously, both delicate and strong, with indomitable will and fortitude.

Let us develop a society in which every time a woman speaks out for herself, she also speaks up for all women.

Rohan Joy Rana is a mental health worker based in Guwahati. Views expressed are personal.

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