Time and again I have read emails in college email ids about the need to avoid misogynistic songs at DJ parties, and time and again, I have seen songs objectifying women being played at parties. In the party mood, it felt ok to let loose and express ourselves completely – sexually. Dance is a form of expression. But is objectification of women the only way to express ourselves sexually?
Growing up in an environment of item songs in Bollywood films and the same songs in festivals and DJ parties in college, what I have seen is an environment where the only form of sexual expression in songs and dance is supposed to be the objectification of women.
I was lucky that growing up, I also learnt an Indian classical dance form, and I would spend my teenage afternoons watching Bharatnatyam, Kuchipudi, Odissi, Kathak, and Mohiniattyam performances on Doordarshan or on YouTube, where female desire is an important element, and women are agents acting out and dancing what they feel and not mere receivers.
As a young teenager, I remember being introduced to the feelings of desire and longing through this beautiful Bharatanatyam performance where a woman awaits in impatience for her lover to come back home- a strong intense feeling of longing almost to the point of desperation beautifully played out. Here, the woman was also portrayed to have a desire. Also, it showed how sexual desire is intertwined with a multitude of other emotions.
As a young adult now, when I started going to Salsa classes, I started consuming more Salsa, Bachata and Kizomba on Instagram and YouTube. It was a fresh breath of air to see that sensuality in a respectable manner was becoming popular and cool. Salsa, bachata, kizomba, etc., show dancing as a communication. It shows that there can be a different kind of sensuality which is not disrespectful to women.
Regarding sex education, an article published two years ago emphasised how sex is something that is not done to someone, but with someone.
Here, women are not supposed to be reduced to mere objects for the gratification of men, which also reinforces patriarchal norms somewhere. These forms as well as some of our regional forms can be very effective tools to show how we can communicate and express ourselves sexually which might also have a positive impact on our intimate relations.
These dance forms are a communication which are flirtatious and where both parties show an element of desire but also understanding, trust and respect. Most importantly, both parties dance together as a team. This is quite unlike item songs in popular forms where the woman is the centre of desire and she is reduced to only her sexual identity and her purpose is to sexually appease the men hovering around her and is full of aggressive lust.
This also, somewhere reinforces the notion that whenever a woman dances sensually, it is supposedly taken to be an indication of loose character and she is considered available.
Unfortunately, these item songs are not only limited to Bollywood but are also being replicated in regional genres and are being further popularised.
It is quite distressing as these forms support the notion that men somewhere have a greater sexual drive than women. So when in our day-to-day lives, men pass lewd comments or make advances, it is justified as nothing much because they just have a greater drive.
Also, taking away sexual desire from the woman and framing her in contrast to men as being innocent in terms of lack of sexual appetite takes away women’s agency.
Also, it puts sex as something only in the men’s domain and as such, sex is only seen from the male gaze.
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Art is a powerful force in shaping our ideas of the world. Especially when something is popular, it is also considered more validated. It is also going to define the values that children and teenagers grow up learning and subscribing to. It shapes a society’s spoken and unspoken codes of conduct.
And we need a society that respects each other’s forms of sexual expression – where sexual expression is not about forcing oneself on another and gaining pleasure. But it is also about respect, understanding and also, vulnerability.
Art is also a way to create an intervention to bring changes in existing mindsets. It is time to look to other forms and maybe some of our regional folk forms to find other romantic, sensual or flirtatious ways of sexual expression to change this narrative.
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